Caution: I Brake For Turtles
Panic was in the air! Not for me, but for a reptilian species called turtles. Although graduating from the University of Maryland — technically making me a Terrapin — I lack the hard shell of a turtle, though my wife may disagree. Oh, and I lack eggs. A positive note if there ever was one…
I was out driving my beloved ’98 Chevy Tahoe not too long ago when I saw her. She looked like something from the dinosaur era, a knobby-spined, oval turtle about an even 1-foot round, with a long, outstretched neck and a mouth looking like she could snap a 2×4 in half.
She was stranded.
When the nesting mode takes over, it takes all common sense away from momma turtle as she frantically looks for a safe place to lay her eggs.
So, I execute a perfect traffic stop on the cold blooded creature whose blood is running hot, canting my Tahoe in perfect traffic cop fashion, providing cover for the wayward turtle and me. Now, at least we’d both have a chance against any daydreaming driver with his eyes on his smart phone instead of the road. The last thing I need is to be waffled or to see momma turtle shell-shocked by someone’s knobby tire treads.
For big, clumsy, prehistoric-looking creatures, snapping turtles are fast! Try to grab a snapper by the tail, and you’ll see what I mean. They can swap ends faster than a politician being questioned by a potential donor. The trick is, you have to distract them, then, grab hold of their tails. Once I knew I had a secure hold on her, I walked her across the street to her destination to peacefully lay her eggs. When one is armed with a tactical turtle, people stop and gawk in awe. Not a weapon for appendix carry for sure, especially amongst the male species of homo sapiens.
A Banner Day
During the same run, I rescued two box turtles in the same situation. No one told me to do it, I just felt it was the right thing to do. Before you peg me as some blubbering, tree hugging, Birkenstock-wearing, vegetarian yogi with a man bun, let me explain. I have a sheep dog mentality. Sure, I’m big, cute and cuddly, with a friendly demeanor, even. But I’ll defend anyone or anything needing help from any perils—or just plan to help—just like I did when I was a cop for 27 years. Now retired, I could be on my merry way, but it just isn’t in my nature. I still carry a gun just about everyday too, for the same reasons. I’m not paranoid, I just want to be ready in case of the unexpected. And I know evil people lurk in the shadows. Even today. Maybe especially today.
I also hunt, enjoy nature—and being part of the food chain, I like knowing I could provide for my family if need be. So why would a gun-toting, meat-eating hunter care about a silly old turtle anyway? Because I respect life and I do my best to help out those in need. I’m no one special. There are millions of people out there just like me. Bet you’re one of “us” too?
Those familiar with guns, hunters, or have worn the uniform, be they cop or soldier, have this in common. Call it a strong sense to do what’s right, even when no one’s looking, just because it’s the right thing to do.
It’s called integrity.
Locked Horns
In this age of social media, we’re exposed to many incidents involving wild animals in precarious predicaments. One of the more common seems to be two bucks, antlers locked together while fighting each other for breeding rights to a receptive doe. Who is brave enough to approach the tangled bucks to free them? Not the anti-hunter, but the hunter who has a deep love and respect for his quarry. A true hunter would never take advantage of such a situation during hunting season, as their sense of fair play would come into being. This is called, simply, sportsmanship.
“Good guys have a soft spot in their hearts for animals, and especially for dogs, kids, and anyone who can use a hand.”
Good guys have a soft spot in their hearts for animals, and especially for dogs, kids and anyone who can use a hand. They don’t do it for reward, or acclaim, and most do it without anyone even knowing about it. I’ve been known to pick up hitchhiking dogs in distress, and give them a lift home. And—but don’t tell anyone—it feels darn good to help out.
Whoever said you can’t judge a book by its cover mighta’ been talking about us. The vast majority of gun guys—and gals!—are great people, and give a turtle or dog a brake (yeah, the kind you stop with) and help them across the street to get home safely.
It’s just the right thing to do. And don’t you ever be embarrassed by it.
GUNS Magazine March 2018 Cover
