My answer is “No, I won’t.” You burn my flag, and demand I respect you? Threaten my loved ones with murder and demand I respect you? Behave shamefully while representing my country and demand my respect? Get violent because I won’t lower my eyes and slink away from you? Show me what you got, pal.
I’ve spent most of my life in the company of men whose response to real insult, real provocation, could include guns and knives or, in gracious civility, with the challenge to “Strip your blouse, mister, and we’ll take this outside.” I’ve generally found the more heavily armed and professionally violent the men were, the more conscious they were of how they spoke to others, and the more courteous was their behavior. When you may be called to stand and deliver for anything you say or do, you tend to be polite, circumspect and thoughtful. In “polite society,” politeness seems as rare as common sense is common.
I miss “impolite society.” They always showed me what they got.
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WITH ALL DUE RESPECT
It happened again locally last night, and the same thing probably occurred 10 times before midnight elsewhere in America. It was another “dissin’ murder.” Slang for disrespecting, a “dissin’” murder usually goes down something like this: One young male acts in such a fashion as to attract attention, and he gets it — eye contact is made. When neither party lowers their head or averts their eyes, “mad dog” looks are exchanged, and “dominant male” postures are struck. If neither one backs down, it’s a “dissin’,” and hostilities commence.
Ten years ago, “dissin’s” were most often prefaced with extensive exchanges of insults, and frequently ended with blows. Now, the preliminaries are often brief and wordless, and the response is frequently — and increasingly — immediate and lethal gunfire.
In my opinion, such encounters are becoming epidemic, and now, some authorities are agreeing with me. Dr. John Klofas, Professor of Criminal Justice at the Rochester Institute of Technology, has studied homicides for more than 20 years. Around “The Roch,” he never lacks for material. New York City’s murder rate last year was 6 per 100,000 population. The murder rate in Rochester was more than four times that, at 25 per 100,000 — not exactly a civic statistic to be proud of.
Because the majority of Rochester’s murders involved minorities in high drug-use areas, the widespread assumption was the killings were “market-driven” or the result of drug-influenced behavior. Looking deeper, Dr. Klofas found, “the most frequent homicides” were in response to “some interpersonal insult or perceived insult (italics added). It’s not a business dispute,” he said. And neither is it an exclusively minority-involved phenomenon. The current popular glorification of “gangsta life” in movies, TV and music has spread it across the social spectrum.
He Dissed Me
One of the last homicides I dealt with as a cop was one of these, and the shooter’s explanation was simply, “He dissed me!” He was honestly surprised to learn this was not considered to be any form of justification for murder. He was absolutely convinced failure to show him “respect” somehow absolved his actions. Angry and confused, he then insisted I had to respect him, too.
I explained no, I didn’t have to and I did not. I respected the law which guaranteed him certain rights and I respected my oath to uphold those laws because I respected myself. “But you?” I laughed. “What have you ever done to earn respect?” That concept was alien to him.
No, I’m not kidding, and while he was no Rhodes Scholar, neither was he legally a moron. I fear this same misunderstanding is not so rare.
I think Dr. Klofas is one of the few who has smelled the coffee, and I hope others will — because increasingly, the victims are neither gangsters nor druggies — just John & Jane Qs who happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Some casualties are targets, others just the victims of stray rounds.
Not so long ago, “respect” was generally extended to parents, elders, positions of authority, commonly recognized expertise or intelligence, and the symbols of government, including a nation-state’s flag, laws and borders. Such rendering of respect was simply considered to be the mark of civilized people, done both to honor positions and institutions, and to avoid unnecessary conflict. Respect for anyone or anything else had to be earned — as my Dad would say, “You’ve got to show me what you’ve got.”
Show Me
Today, I hear a lot of demands for respect, see very little real respect being extended, and unnecessary conflict promoted. It’s all about a weird, warped view of the concept of “respect,” and I think I know where it springs from. Folks have been blown fulla smoke about what respect is, who or what deserves respect and why. Confusion comes from the examples set by today’s “leaders,” both political and social.
In the news, a spokesman for the Mexican illegal alien movement insists on respect for “his people,” while smugly gloating over the US flag being burned and replaced with that of Mexico. On Al Jazeera, a Muslim leader demands Western respect for his religion, while calling for death to all non-believers. On the public channels — just about anytime — watch as members of Congress begin sneeringly, “With all due respect to my esteemed colleague,” and then spit out the most calculating, scathing, offensive insults possible. They too demand your respect.
Another thing my Dad used to say was, “Those who demand respect probably don’t deserve it.” Alarmingly, I see many people who assume because they are told so, they should respect individuals, peoples, religions and institutions which haven’t earned it — nor deserve it.
