Vaporware Announces New 5000MXL Pistol
Soros-Fonda Venture Capital Inc. is proud to announce the release of their new Vaporware 5000MXL 9mm striker-fired pistol. With recent handgun shortages preventing consumers from purchasing defensive firearms, this is the first gun ever announced with no intention of actually producing a single unit for sale.
“It’s an innovative concept that will revolutionize the industry,” said Soros-Fonda President Ian Smucker-Smyth. “Rather than go through with all the marketing studies and a lengthy design and testing process only to have to overcome the manufacturing headaches for a gun nobody could find on their local store shelves, we decided to just cut out all the overhead and work toward the end result: a handgun nobody will ever see. This saves lots of problems for the manufacturer, retailer and consumer, so I think it is the wave of the future in the firearms industry.”
"It’s an innovative concept that will revolutionize the industry.”
Projected specifications for the Vaporware 5000MXL include a 60-round magazine housed in a sub-compact chassis weighing just 2 ounces, a 60-megawatt laser capable of cutting mild steel, red dot optic and backup sight, 42 individual Picatinny rails for accessory mounting, ambidextrous controls, choice of over 65 color finishes and a claimed 6,000 feet-per-second for standard 9mm ammo from a 2” barrel. MSRP is $24.99.
“I really think this is the best gun I’ve ever seen, and we’ve got dozens of TV and internet gun celebrities lined up to say so,” Smucker-Smyth noted. “After all, we paid them for their endorsement; but make sure you don’t put that in the press release. Anyway, with lots of hype, I think this will ultimately become the #1 trending pistol on the internet.”
In the future, the company is planning full-size, medium-size, medium-full size, medium-compact, compact-full-size and full-size with integrated Latte machine models of the pistol. There are also plans to release a black rifle that is claimed will “revolutionize” the industry.
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