How to be a gun writer

As the Lord High Editor and Ruling Despot of GUNS Magazine, I frequently get emails asking, “How do you become a gun writer?” The actual, technically correct answer is “Have compromising pictures of the magazine’s Chairman of the Board wooing a common farm animal,” but as most would-be gun journalists aren’t practiced in the art of blackmail nor photo manipulation, I am often forced to give some harebrained suggestion such as “learn to write.”

In an effort to answer this common query once and for all, I will share a few suggestions for the budding gun journalists out there. If you fit into this category, I invite you to study the ideas and apply yourself to the pursuit with vigor. Just don’t apply these principles to His Lordship or disturbing photos of you might show up at your local news outlet and/or major religious denomination.

For Starters

Obviously, to write successfully about firearms, you first must have a thorough knowledge of guns. If you still have difficulty making the distinction between a Remington 870 and any species of North American salamander, you might consider another line of work with lower standards, such as network news reporter. The same goes for hunting journalism — if the word “icky” appears whenever you discuss field dressing game animals, you might not be ready for prime time. Overt fear of the dark or aversion to personal arterial bleeding are also disqualifications.

On the other hand, if you are currently an expert competitive shooter or hunter you are likely already an accomplished liar, in which case you can skip straight to the major gun magazines.

Your Mission

The basic goal of firearms journalism is to give the reader information they need, while sharing experiences of the things you have seen, heard, felt, tasted and smelled. Of course, if you have shooting buddies like mine, you should consider leaving out the smell part because some readers don’t have strong stomachs.

Your words must leap from the page, grab the reader by the throat and compel them to follow along further. If you’re really good, your words might even blindfold them, throw them into the trunk of a car and demand ransom.

A great piece of writing transports the reader, allowing them to undergo the visceral enjoyment of every missed shot, broken scope and hopelessly jammed rifle. Transcend prose can even cause severe intestinal distress without having actually drank the water at hunting camp.

Requirements

A writer needs some level of expertise in the use of words. For instance, I know a noun is a word appearing in most sentences and frequently advocated by high school English teachers. Verbs are action words, while pronouns are words you are no longer allowed to use unless they are one of the official 4,396 government-recognized alternative genders. Don’t worry about split infinitives — these are urban legends invented by the Trilateral Commission or maybe Methodists. Dangling participles are actually a type of tree-dwelling snake.

Spelling is another highly important skill. Here’s a professional “insider” tip — after you are finished writing a story, tap the “F7” key on your computer. If done deftly, magical computer fairies will clean up the gross spelling errors in your manuscript, though they still won’t crank out 1,500 words by Friday.

One of the most important concepts of writing is Topic. Without a topic, you end up like a troop of Boy Scouts earning their riflery merit badge — full of enthusiasm but spraying words all over the place. Topics are often difficult to locate and pin down, tougher than making a double on quail or beating Rob Latham’s split times. In fact, I would rather bet my financial future on defeating Mr. Latham head-to-head while armed only with a Jennings .22 than try to pluck a theme from thin air after sitting down at the keyboard, with a headache, six hours before deadline.

In today’s journalism world, you should also be well-versed in photography, videography and video editing, audio editing, website design, social media posting, SEO, ftp, WordPress, search-engine techniques, proofreading and have the ability to subsist on Ramen noodles and carryout food for days on end.

The Takeaway

It’s not easy to become a gun writer and even tougher to land a place on the “masthead” of a big magazine or major website. It takes years of practice, learning, skill building and paying dues before the big break comes. But when it does, the rewards cannot be measured in mere dollars.

By the way, you should also master irony. For instance, it’s ironic the synonyms for the word “mere” include meager, measly, scanty, insufficient and paltry.

IN OTHER NEWS:

Gun stocks (not the wood or plastic things attached to firearms, the kind you buy through a stock broker) really hit their stride in recent weeks. Even though the overall stock market tanked like New Coke when the pandemic first hit, most publicly traded firearms manufacturers saw their stocks climb as sales spiked to record levels. Now, as of this writing, the country is still burning with widespread violent inner-city protests and firearms stocks have further climbed. On the latest numbers released in May, Sturm Ruger saw a 37 percent increase in first-quarter sales, while Smith & Wesson stock climbed 28 percent when the riots started. As there are still several months of warm weather and a looming Presidential election, it’s anyone’s guess as to what the future holds — though no one seems too optimistic. However, cynicism about the short-term prospects for society aside, the gun industry is financially quite healthy at the moment. Funny how personal danger suddenly wakes people up to the basic idea “self-defense isn’t a partisan matter.”

“Pistol craze” getting hotter — It seems every manufacturer these days is racing to bring out smaller and smaller “pistols” which are essentially cut-down shotguns and rifles but meet the BATF legal definition of a handgun. The guns are certainly a hoot to shoot (especially if you like ear-shattering muzzle blasts and spectacular, Instagram-worthy fireballs), convenient to stow and carry, plus they are so dangerously sexy-looking even crusty old gun writers say “cool”! I just picked up a stubby little .308 “pistol” today which will soon grace these pages and I can’t wait to hit the range. I might be deaf and blinded by the time I return, but it’ll sure be fun!

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