Shooting the Sheets: Uses For Extra Toilet Paper
Now that the pandemic crisis is winding down, do you find yourself stuck with cases and cases of extra toilet paper? Admit it, we all bought a few additional rolls when it appeared a major shortage of bum wipe was looming, but with supply chain issues resolved and all is well in the supermarket tissue aisle, what can shooters do with all those soft-as-a-cloud rolls collecting dust in the closet?
We’ve got some suggestions.
Hearing Protection
Though “ear pro” has become more comfortable over the last several years, it still leaves a lot to be desired during all-day wear. Plus, on cold mornings, placing an icy plastic ear cup against the sides of your head is extremely uncomfortable. Now, by using parts from a discarded set of earmuffs, you can have the most comfortable, lightweight and sweat-absorbing hearing protection on the firing line. It’ll even keep your ears dry on a rainy day!
Cleaning Swab
Toilet paper is designed to easily break apart so it doesn’t clog sanitary sewers and septic systems, making it unusable for gun-cleaning activities. However, if you happened to have any heavy artillery lying around the yard, extra rolls of toilet paper make a dandy single-use cleaning swab for your filthy Napoleons and Howitzers.
Shooting Rest & Bipod
Those soft, but malleable rolls make a wonderful bipod for benchrest shooters. And, if you have a sudden attack of that fast food breakfast burrito, you simply grab your bipod and head off to the smelly plastic shed sitting near the parking lot!
Silencer
Want to tone down the muzzle blast from your favorite firearm? The answer is simple: just tape a roll of TP to the muzzle and enjoy the soft pooot as the paper tames the blast and filth expelled from the muzzle orifice.
Shooting a .22 LR? Use one roll. Shooting a .460 Nitro Express? Simply tape a dozen rolls to the end and you’ll be on your way to a refreshing download of bullets into the berm.
April Fools! Did we fool you or make you laugh? Let us know at [email protected].
Note: Homemade suppressors without ATF approval are illegal. This story is satire.
